Thursday, February 5, 2009

RTT 2/5/2009

Today is going to be a pity party for myself. Fell free to leave comments telling me that I am really an alright person and that I don't deserve to have Addi and any future children taken away from me.
1. Why I am a horrible mom #1
I do not have the ability to say no. Sometimes I do, like when she is hitting me with a stick or wants to carry around a knife, I have said no to her at those moments, but even then I have the tendency to let her get in one solid blow or look at the knife a little longer than she should. But one way I cant say no is in the car. I don't remember when it started, I guess when she got a forward facing car seat; the problem: Hand Holding.
I thought it was cute. She wanted to hold her mommy's hand. How sweet is that? How could I turn her down when all she wanted was the closeness of her mom and I loved having her cute little fingers grip mine. That was how it started. Now it is a constant battle of immediately having to hold her hand as soon as the car is started and not letting go until we have arrived at the location we are heading. So there I am, driving with my left arm (or knee if I have to change the radio station) and my right are reaching back in the most awkward way possible to her seat. Yes it goes numb. Yes it throbs. Yes we may crash and die. But at least I didn't have to tell her no and hear her cry.
2. Why I am a horrible mom #2
The dreaded Bink. I remember in the hospital them shoving the binkie in her mouth as soon as she emerged from the womb. I just figured it was what they needed, she loved it. Immediate addiction. I blame all addictions on binkies. I think they breed addiction like tendencies and one day all binkie addicts will be on cigarettes or candy or some other oral fixation because it was pounded on them as an infant. (Just a theory.) Anyway, she loves hers. It has been about a year now that the doctor told me to only give it to her in her bed (see reason 3 for why that didn't work out.) Heaven help her she loves that binkie. I take it from her if she is playing, eating or has something to distract her at all, but once she gets it, she holds it with all her might. Funny thing is she rarely sucks it anymore, it is like that toothpick that old men have hanging from the side of their mouth. It is just sitting there, pushed to the side of her mouth between her teeth so she can talk and stuff. I dread the day that we will take it. That will be a small slice of hell...which is why we keep putting it off. I know that when we go to her doctor again she will ask...I will lie, and it will be the never ending cycle of braces and binkies until she is in college.
3. Why I am a horrible mom #3
I have the absolute inability to sleep train. I read Baby Wise. Started crying, threw it against the wall because I knew that I did not have what it took to do the things they wanted. So every night we have our routine, brush teeth, read books, say prayers, sing songs, go to bed. All is great...for about 2 hours. Then she wants some comfort in the form of her parents bed. Some nights I am good at staying in her room and making her fall asleep again (by holding my hand of course...refer to previous) Other nights I am sleep drunk and just want to go to bed and I know if I bring her we will all get sleep. Again, I just keep avoiding it and think that it will take care of itself. I also blame genetics. Until recently, both of my brothers had a 10 year old and a 12 year old in their beds. See totally not my fault....we were born with the inability to have kids in their beds.
4. Wrap up:
So now what? How do I turn on the mean and teach her all the things that I have so horribly failed to teach in the past? I keep telling myself that the next baby is going to be in for it. That I will be totally immune to the 'cute' and just be mean and teach them all the 'right' ways of the world. But then there will be Addi in the corner telling them how the world really works and how to totally screw with mommy's brain. I am done for. I want more kids, but do you think it is even possible, or will I repeatedly bash my brain in with a baby bottle if I keep this up? What should I do good mommies of the world?


McKelle said...

You're awesome! Just to make you feel better, I'm guilty of 2 out of the 3 (I didn't do the hand holding or sitting in the back seat with the baby thing).

Don't worry about the binkie. We took Gwens away when she was 2 1/2 and it wasn't that bad really. AND I totally intend to shove one in this new baby's mouth too. I love binkies.

Now the sleep thing is hard. I totally vow to never let baby Lainey into our bed...but we'll see how I do. It's those nights when you're just so damn tired that makes it hard.

Love you!

carvers said...


I completely felt the same way about a lot of things, until I had my second child. Then I realized that those sleeping habits are really the fault of the baby and their personality. Andrew still sleeps like crap, Bella on the other hand is wonderful. Don't be so hard on are a great mom!!

Lissagerl said...

My advice - have another baby. You're not a bad mom, just a first time mom. :) I know what it's like to let your first do everything they want. They're your baby. We hate crying!! But, once there's 2, and you're up with baby, you just come to the conclusion you can no longer give into everything or you'll be in bigger trouble with 2 getting away with everything. A couple of ideas for the bink...I've heard of people tying it to the bed. She can only suck on it while they are in bed. While she isn't looking cut the string shorter and shorter. Eventually she won't like the position she has to be in to suck it. I've also heard of cutting off the tip. It's not a fun that way.

Lori said...

I have never had a baby that would take a binkie so I can't help you with that one. The others I have to agree with the comment above me. When you have more kids you tend to get a little thicker skin I guess you can say and you start to figure out you can't do it all! You still have to listen to some screaming for a couple nights but it is so worth it when they figure out you are for real this time. I also need to say also that each kid is very different and you will figure it out. My first 3 kids were great sleepers and I didn't ever have a problem, but #4 is a terrible sleeper and I am worried to find out what she will do once she can get out of her bed and isn't in a crib anymore! Good luck and you are not a terrible mother! We all have our own issues to deal with and just realize you are doing your best and that is great! Addi will be just fine and you won't scar her for life! BTW it is great to hear from you again!

Kate (and LaVon) said...

Oh the dreaded bink. Remember the binky fairy??? Try that -- I still can't believe it worked --- and Riley still talks about it when she sees balloons in the sky. And who ever said lying to your children was bad!??! :-)

millisue said...

Oh Mandy, how I love thee! I remember you had to drop out of pedagogy because you knew you couldn't say no to the kids and one would probably die on your watch. I read baby wise and I thought it was the meanest thing ever. Honestly who would let their precious baby cry it out at 2 weeks of age. They are satanic. I am reading "healthy sleeping habits, happy child" right now. I'm liking it a lot more. They want me to have her cry it out at 4 months, and i'm sure not looking forward to it, its coming up and I'm scared to death. I will be binging on chocolate in the next week or so, so don't call me. Love ya!

Cheyenne said...

You are a great mom and you are doing an amazing job with Addi!! Any kid would be so lucky to have you as a parent! The only idea I have is to drop her off at grandma's when you just can't do it anymore and get a hotel room for the night. :) One nights sleep can do wonders!

fidge said...

Mo....I swear Rob woke up every night until he was 8!!! I finally told him he couldn't sleep in our bed, but he could sleep on the floor by our bed...more comfortable for us, not so much for him. I can't remember when he was cured..but it happened and he turned into one of those teens that you couldn't get out of bed unless you sprayed him with water! I say don't worry too much with the binky until she's 2 1/ sucks to see a 5 year old with a binky though. The handholding and sitting in back of the car I still don't get so can't help you at all, BUT just know we all go through it. You are an awesome mom...can't think of many better. When Addi is a mom you will try to give her advise and realize you don't even remember what you did. All is well. I love you! P.A.J.

Platt Family said...

You have got to be the funniest and best mom I know. Yes, I have not seen you with your child, but I know you and you are great! I bet that little girl just idolizes you! I let me oldest son get away with alot and then he got a brother and I learned that they can't have it all, even though I wish they could! Eventually they learn the concept of getting what they want, and I had to teach him, he had to be glad for what he had. I never had a binkie issue, but I do have a bottle issue! Do what you think is best,you are her mother. Oh and I am moving to Hooper. Katie Hotchkiss/Lindleys brother is building our house. If you want more info, email me!

Lisa said...

Hey Sue! Wow, see reading this just makes me feel like I'm a mean mom! Just look at it this way, you are way too nice and just want to spoil your little girl!
But, seeing how I am so mean, if you would like to call me for strength any time, please feel free. Somehow when I was prego I lost all sense of sensitivity. So, I'll give you pep talks or whatever you need when you are ready to brave the no's. :)

Nye Family said...

Mandy, you are too cute. Chenielle never took a bink, but we have had to try other things, like getting rid of a blankie she had thrashed. But, the whole "Binkie Fairy" idea really works. (see Kate's message) I have seen it work for other friends. IT truly is amazing. I think it is so cute when Chenielle wants to hold my hand when were going places too, but we have slowly broken that one. We broke it thanks to daddy. Its always easier to have "daddy" say no, right? But yes, I am with everyone else that says, have another one. :-) We are. Love you.

Cynthia and Bryan said...

Mandy- well I don't have much advice as you can see from my blog and my little pnut that likes to challenge everything. Anyway- this is what i think about getting your baby to sleep and stay in their room ( ya- for what its worth) Sooo....I rocked presley to sleep until she was 20 months and Knox was fending for himself at about 4 months... When you have had enough and are ready to hear her cry you will, and that might not ever get to that point, but when you reach a point where enough is enough you can do it. I hope that made sense ?

Jennica said...

Oh I love your humor! Don't be so hard on yourself though. I did the hand holding thing and I totally understand the numb/pain thing. Rob made me take Carter's binky away when he was one, so he wouldn't get attached to it. He's a hardA, not so much me. What's Ron's stand on the issues?
From the way I know you, you're a complete nurturer. So at least your child will never wonder if she's loved, because you would do anything for her! You'll figure it out, you'll get fed up with the routine and you'll get past these wonderful little challenges and move on to brand new ones! Hang in there.

Janika said...

So after reading this post I must admit you sound like a pretty terrible mother...i have cps on hold right now! If these are the worst of your parenting problems you have it pretty good....i KNOW you are a great mom. If you still need reasuring just go to any local mall and people watch. It will make you truly grateful for your wonderful little girl and all her 'bad habbits'. I miss you guys so much! Oh, by the way, Tate had a binki untill he was 4, slept in my bed untill he was almost 3 (untill tyler and i got married and he kicked him out! how rude hu!)And i would have to hold Tavry down in her carseat to get it buckled, she would kick and scream..i am sure you heard her from your house. Keep up the good work and just know that some battles are better left unfaught. If you need a break we would love to watch a little diva, she would fit right in!

Jodi said...

I was THIS close to inviting Addi to the Valentine Extravaganza.....and then I read this. Maybe next year.
haha. You're funny.